Like all successful activities in life communication is a team sport. It’s something that we do with other people.
Because of this it is important to realise that you will need to actively listen as well as talk. Just to clarify…active listening is where you give “feed back ” to the person who has just finished talking.
You do this by restating to the “talker” what you understood about what they said
By doing this
!/ They know that YOU have actually HEARD what has been said AND
2/ They also know if you UNDERSTOOD what they were trying to tell you.
And another thing; This gives them the chance to put you straight if maybe you didn’t hear it the way they meant it. It could also be that they are having trouble explaining something really complicated. By giving them your understanding of what you heard it gives them the chance to rethink what they want to say and then say it in a way that you can understand.
Here’s a tip: Whether you are talking about business, relationships of a more personal nature or even about what you are cooking for dinner tonight. Learn the skill of active listening. It will take some practise before it comes easily and naturally. Just by letting folks know that you are hearing them and understanding them, your relationship with them will transform. As if by magic.
It’s not magic, actually it’s science. Research shows that when people feel heard and understood they are more likely to move easily into a state of rapport.
Just for the record, rapport is a state of deep trust and understanding. AND what is a relationship if not a state of trust and understanding ?
Ok There are the sorts of relationships that various countries have with others during wars and other NASTY NASTY stuff. We’re not talking about that. Because unless you’re a psychopath and a VICIOUS kitten killer then you don’t want that. If you’re one of those people, please… just hit the back button. ( It’s the green thing in the top left hand corner of your screen )
If howevr You are one of the NICE people in the world who beleive in equality, freedom, liberty and your right to live a happy and prosperous life. Then it may be smart to start using reflective listening.
The best reason of all is this.
Research also shows that if you are HAPPY then you live a longer and healthier life. You are less likely to be divorced and will have more fun. It’s a no-brainer really. AND one of the keys to happiness is having trusting caring relationships with other folks.
That all starts with reflective listening and a whole heap of other things.
Have I talked to you about rapport skills yet..? More on this next time and once I’ve figured a way to do it I’ll give you the links to some other cool stuff on other sites
In the meantime you’ll just have to copy and paste this link into the address bar of your web browser…
Sorry about that,
PS All this technology is fantastic but it still doesn’t beat sitting down with friends over a coffee or a fruit juice and just chewing the fat